The Surrogate
by jenstar701
Summary: An A/U story where Admiral Janeway did travel back in time, as seen in Endgame, but Voyager didn't make it all the way home.


'I'm going to have to terminate the baby, Mr Paris

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Paramount.

A/U story where Admiral Janeway did travel back in time, as seen in Endgame, but they didn't make it all the way home.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The Surrogate by Jenstar

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat in the dark mess hall staring at her now cold cup of coffee. She had been there for hours, just sitting. She felt totally numb. The previous week had been the most surreal and heart wrenching of her life. Admiral Janeway had travelled back in time to help Voyager get home but they had failed and were still 10 years from the alpha quadrant. The whole crew had been so convinced they were finally going home but it was not to be. Janeway had of course put on a brave face for her crew but underneath she was more devastated than anyone. She had been sickened and shocked by the manipulative and bitter Admiral and at first could not believe she could become this person. But now, sitting alone, she realised that she was already becoming the woman that she had been so appalled by. She had barely seen Chakotay off duty in the past month and Tuvok was more withdrawn due to his illness. The loneliness was crushing.

Janeway felt a cold tear slide down her face. Ten years of being alone. The thought was devastating. Another tear followed the first, then another and another. She couldn't remember the last time she had let herself cry. Some days on Voyager she had wanted, even needed, to cry but knew if she had started it would have been difficult to stop. Now she let the sobs wrack through her whole body, the pain to much for her to contain.

Suddenly the mess hall doors opened jerking Janeway back to reality. Without even looking who had entered she fled from the room by the opposite entrance, desperately hoping she didn't meet anyone until she had wiped the tears from her face.

In the mess hall Tom Paris stood rooted to the spot. Even without illumination Tom had seen his distraught captain and the sight had frightened him. Captain Janeway was so full of strength and determination and Tom had grown to depend upon that. After a moment Tom decided that he was not the best person to go after the captain. He doubted she would open up to him however much his was willing to listen. He reached up and tapped his comm. badge.

'Paris to Chakotay.'

'Go ahead Tom.'

Paris hesitated. 'Are you alone, Chakotay?' he asked tentatively.

'Yes, why?' answered Chakotay, his voice full of suspicion.

'I think we may have a problem.'

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Kathryn Janeway stood in front of her mirror staring at her puffy red eyes, emphasising her pale complexion. She took a deep breath and sighed unhappily. She had managed to get to her quarters without seeing anyone and just hoped whoever had entered the mess hall hadn't seen her clearly enough to be concerned.

Her door chime sounded making her jump. Glancing at her reflection again Kathryn decided to ignore whoever it was and moved to sit down on her sofa. The chime sounded again but Kathryn didn't respond. After a moment she assumed whoever it was had given up and allowed her head to rest on the back of the sofa, her eyes drifting closed. Suddenly the doors to her quarters opened and her eyes flew open in shock.

'Lights,' ordered the impostor and Kathryn squinted, blinking as her tired eyes adjusted to the brightness. The figure came into focus and Kathryn stared at him, her mind not awake enough to respond to this intrusion.

Chakotay took one look at Kathryn and knew Tom had been right to be concerned. She looked terrible and her complete lack of protest to him forcing his way into her quarters just added to his worry.

'Go away Chakotay,' said Kathryn eventually. Chakotay took no notice and moved towards her.

'Did you not here what I just said?' demanded Kathryn angrily.

'I heard you,' replied Chakotay evenly. 'But I don't think you should be alone right now.'

Kathryn laughed harshly. 'Trust me, I'm used to it.'

Chakotay stared at his captain feeling the concern in his chest growing rapidly.

'Kathryn, tell me what's wrong,' he pleaded. 'Maybe I can help, we can talk-'

'You can't help me Chakotay!' yelled Kathryn fiercely jumping up to stand face to face with her first officer. 'So go back to where ever you were and leave me alone!'

'You'd like that wouldn't you?' asked Chakotay calmly. 'Then you could sit here and beat yourself up about things beyond your control.'

'How dare you say that to me?' cried Kathryn furiously. 'You have no idea how I feel, no idea at all!'

Chakotay stared at her swallowing the lump that was rising in his throat as he looked into her eyes and saw the pain she was concealing.

'Please leave,' whispered Kathryn, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

'No,' replied Chakotay steadily. Kathryn moved forwards and shoved him roughly towards the door.

'I'll call security,' she warned in a trembling voice, but Chakotay stood his ground.

Kathryn dropped her head as the tears began to fall.

'Why won't you go away?' she begged, turning away from him. Chakotay reached out and touched her arm. Kathryn shrugged him off violently, picked up a vase from her table and flung it at the wall with a scream of anger. Then somehow she was in Chakotay's arms, clinging to his uniform and sobbing against his shoulder.

'Shush, it's ok,' Chakotay told her gently knowing that deep down he had know idea what had pushed Kathryn over the edge. Without letting go of her, Chakotay managed to manoeuvre her to the sofa and sit down.

After a minute Kathryn drew away and wiped her face.

'I'm so sorry,' she whispered through ragged breaths. Chakotay gently held her hands in his.

'Talk to me Kathryn,' he said encouragingly. 'Don't shut me out.'

She glanced up at him with swollen eyes. 'I haven't ever felt so far away from home as I do right now.'

Chakotay gently squeezed her hand. 'The Admiral really got to you didn't she?'

Kathryn nodded. 'To think that's who I'll turn into…' her voice trailed off miserably.

'But the Admiral has made sure we'll be home in ten years,' said Chakotay. 'You won't have to suffer like she did; you're a completely different person.'

Kathryn smiled slightly. 'I'm not so sure of that.' she admitted quietly. 'I looked into her eyes and...I recognised them. The pain, the cold determination, the anger, they're all there inside me Chakotay I just haven't let them take over me.'

Chakotay was sure he heard a silent _yet _and shook his head slightly.

'Is this why you're so upset?' he asked carefully. 'There's nothing else?'

Kathryn stared into the caring eyes of her first officer and felt her chest clench painfully. She couldn't and wouldn't tell him how lonely she felt because she would never let him sacrifice his happiness for her. And then there was Tuvok and his illness. She was devastated at the thought of not being able to help him.

'There's everything else,' she replied with a wry chuckle. 'The Admiral, not being home, Tuvok, even Neelix!' Chakotay had to smile at that. He knew the Talaxian had doted on the captain and that his departure had been a shock to her.

'You'll always have me, you know,' Chakotay told her earnestly. Kathryn nodded although Chakotay didn't think she looked particularly convinced. 'Kathryn,' he said determinedly putting his hands on her shoulders. 'I mean that, I'm always here for you.'

Kathryn smiled slightly but the pain in her eyes didn't disappear. 'I know,' she said almost inaudibly. Chakotay smiled back sure that he hadn't even scratched the surface of what Kathryn was feeling.

'Do you want me to stay for a while?' he asked kindly. Kathryn gazed at him for a moment, a multitude of emotions crossing her face.

'Only if you have nothing better to be doing,' she replied eventually. Chakotay felt himself relax slightly and a grin spread across his face. There was no where he would rather be.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Seven of Nine stood outside holodeck 1 frowning. Chakotay had definitely said 2200 hours but he was almost 15 minutes late.

'Computer, locate Commander Chakotay.'

'Commander Chakotay is in Captain Janeway's quarters,' came the computer's emotionless reply.

Seven felt a strange feeling swirl in her stomach. What could he be doing in the captain's quarters this late? She reached up to tap her comm. badge then pulled her hand away. Maybe she had misunderstood Chakotay's message; maybe he had said tomorrow night and she had read it wrong. Seven knew deep down inside that she never read anything wrong but decided to give Chakotay the benefit of the doubt. Sighing quietly she took one last glance along the corridor and then returned to cargo bay 2.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

2 Years Later;

'I'm going to have to terminate the baby, Mr Paris.'

Tom froze. He wiped the blood from his face trying to clear his mind.

'There's no other way?' he asked in a hoarse voice.

The doctor solemnly shook his head. 'Your baby is only 12 weeks old. Even if we were on Voyager there would only be a 10 chance of survival.'

Tom swallowed hard not really comprehending the situation.

'If we're going to save B'lanna you need to let me terminate her baby.' continued the doctor.

Tom closed his eyes. How had it come to this? It had started as a simple away mission; Tom, B'lanna, the doctor and the captain had travelled down to an apparently uninhabited planet to test the landing ability of their newly built runabout. However, the planet may be uninhabited but that didn't mean someone hadn't laid claim to it. As the vessel had left the planet's atmosphere they had been viciously attacked by an unknown ship. Captain Janeway was knocked unconscious and B'lanna had severe internal injuries both caused by a falling support strut at the back of the runabout where the pair had been working.

'Tom!' pressed the doctor. 'B'lanna is bleeding internally and I can't treat her and save the baby. If I don't terminate you'll lose them both!'

Paris's mind was racing. There had to be a way! They had been trying for a second child for months and months before they had conceived. B'lanna would be devastated. Suddenly Tom remembered reading a medical report from when he was training to be a medic.

'Doctor, what if the baby could be transferred into a surrogate mother?' enquired Tom urgently.

The doctor looked up at Tom. 'Mr Paris I need to do this now! I can't wait until we get back to Voyager!'

Tom stared at the doctor for a second, and then glanced over at his unconscious captain on the other bed.

The doctor realised what the young man was thinking and walked around the bed towards Tom.

'Mr Paris, I can't save your baby. I'm sorry.'

'But what about the captain?' protested Tom. 'She's fine apart from a severe concussion!'

The Doctor reached out and grasped Tom's shoulders. 'I can't do that. Imagine waking up and finding you were 3 months pregnant with another couple's child. It's just not right Tom. I wouldn't do that to anyone, least of all the captain.'

The doctor's serious and stern tone got through to Tom and the young man sighed heavily.

'I know you're right Doc, it's just…'

'Is it possible?'

The captain's voice startled both men. They turned around to see a very pale Janeway propped up on her elbows. She had a large gash on the forehead and blood all over her face and hands.

The doctor hurried over to her. 'Captain you shouldn't be sitting up.'

'Is it possible?' Janeway demanded as the doctor pushed her back down. 'Could I carry B'lanna's baby?'

The doctor paused. 'It has been done Captain.' the hologram admitted.

Tom walked over to Janeway. 'I can't ask you to do this captain.' he whispered with tears in his blue eyes. 'It's too much.'

Janeway shook her head. 'You have to try doctor. You have my permission.'

'I'm not sure you're in any fit state to make that kind of decision captain.' said the doctor quietly.

Indeed, Janeway thought to herself as she stared at Tom with blurred vision and an intense throbbing pain in her head. 'I know what I saying doctor.' insisted Janeway.

She looked at Tom who now had tears running down his cheeks. 'It's your choice Tom.'

Paris met Janeway's eyes. 'You sure Captain?' he asked almost inaudibly. Janeway nodded smiling slightly to try and calm her helmsman.

'Then we have to try.' Tom told the doctor in a slightly stronger voice.

The doctor sighed. 'You both should know this has very little chance of success, and will involve physical and emotional stress for you captain.' Both Tom and Janeway nodded. The doctor picked up a tricorder. 'Let's get started then.'

……………………………………………………………………………………….

The first thing she was aware of was the dull pain in her skull. Groaning softly Kathryn Janeway flicked her eyes open and then clamped them shut again at the bright lights of sickbay.

'Captain?' a male voice said gently.

Kathryn hesitantly opened one eye. 'Commander.'

Chakotay smiled slightly. 'You took quite a beating, but everyone's fine.' He told her, anticipating her first question.

Suddenly it came flooding back to her, and both eyes shot open.

'The baby! What happened to the-'

'Aaaah, captain, you're awake.' The doctor started scanning the captain. 'I managed to transfer the foetus into your uterus. You are currently undergoing hormone treatment to convince your body that you have been carrying a baby for three months.'

Janeway gaped at the doctor. 'You mean…I'm pregnant?'

The doctor smiled. 'Yes captain. It would appear that my expertise was enough to successfully complete the foetal transplant.'

Janeway closed her eyes trying to come to terms with what had happened.

'Captain?'

Opening her eyes again, the captain's gaze fell on the very concerned face of her first officer.

'How are you feeling?' asked Chakotay in his gentle, deep voice that always calmed Janeway down.

Janeway hesitated, not really sure of the answer to that question.

'I don't know.' She admitted truthfully with a small smile.

Chakotay reached out and squeezed her hand. 'What you're doing is incredible.'

Suddenly Janeway knew exactly how she felt; absolutely terrified. Chakotay saw the look on her face and sat down on the edge of the bed.

'You're not going to be alone through this you know,' he began reassuringly. 'You know you'll always have me and Tom and B'lanna, not to mention Tuvok and the Doctor and most of the crew in fact once they find out!'

Janeway had to laugh. 'I know,' she told her first officer. 'But I'm just…just a little overwhelmed by the responsibility.'

'I would have thought that Kathryn Janeway would be used to responsibility by now!' chuckled Chakotay.

Kathryn shook her head. 'Not this kind of responsibility! I mean what if something happens and they blame me, or I get hurt and,'

'Kathryn!' exclaimed Chakotay. 'All Tom and B'lanna are going to feel towards you is immense gratitude for saving the life of their child.'

Janeway nodded unconvinced. 'I'm scared Chakotay.' She mumbled.

Then Chakotay did something that under normal circumstances he never would have dared to do. He gestured to Janeway to sit up and then pulled her into a tight hug.

'You don't have to be,' he assured her. After a moment Kathryn pulled out of the embrace looking slightly tearful.

'What the hell kind of hormones has the doctor been putting into me?' she asked laughing whilst swiping at her nearly overflowing eyes.

Chakotay grinned. 'Oh all kinds of stuff.'

'Great, I can tell this is gonna be lots of fun,' sighed Janeway looking down at her hands.

'Are you showing?' asked Chakotay scrutinising her waist which was concealed under the loose fitting medical gown.

Kathryn smoothed the gown over her abdomen revealing a gentle but very definite bump. The look of terror returned to the captain's face.

'B'lanna was just starting to show too,' continued Chakotay. 'I mean you are 3 months gone.'

Janeway stared at him. 'Can I have another hug?' she asked hoarsely. Chuckling Chakotay pulled his captain into another embrace just as Tom Paris entered sickbay. Chakotay met Paris's eyes over the captain's shoulder.

'How is she?' mouthed Paris not used to seeing his captain needing reassurance.

Chakotay waved his hand in a so-so gesture. Paris nodded and walked over to the bed.

'Captain,' he began 'I can't begin to say how much this means to us'

Janeway looked at Tom with an unconvincing smile. One stray tear had escaped down her right cheek.

'You're very welcome Tom,' she replied, her voice wavering slightly.

'You haven't changed your mind have you?' asked Tom looking extremely worried.

Janeway gave a genuine chuckle. 'I don't think I could even if I wanted to! And I don't.' she replied emphatically. 'It's just going to take me a little while to adjust to all these hormones and to this!' She covered her small bump with her hands.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Commander Chakotay glanced at his captain for about the thousandth time since she came onto the bridge. She looked absolutely dreadful and had virtually collapsed into her command chair when she came on shift. It was two weeks since the foetal transplant and Chakotay knew Kathryn was really suffering. She could hardly keep any food down and he knew she wasn't sleeping. This combined with the intense hormone treatment Kathryn was undergoing resulted in one miserable captain. Deciding to risk being thrown in the brig Chakotay leaned across towards the command chair.

'Are you feeling alright?' he asked quietly. As he expected Janeway turned her head wearily and glared at him.

'I expect I feel about as good as I look' she snapped back although there was no angry edge to her voice. Chakotay sighed softly, wishing he knew how to convince his stubborn captain to take some time off.

'Captain, I have a ship on long range sensors,' announced Kim from Ops.

Chakotay swore he heard Kathryn groan slightly.

'Can you identify it Harry?' she asked.

'No Captain,' continued Kim. 'But they're heading straight for us.'

This time Chakotay knew he heard Kathryn groan.

'Tuvok?' she enquired in a resigned tone.

'They are arming weapons and have raised shields captain,' replied the Vulcan coolly.

'Fabulous,' replied Janeway sarcastically, glancing at Chakotay. Realising Kathryn wanted him to take charge Chakotay stood up and started giving orders.

Kathryn massaged her forehead. She had an incredible headache probably due to the lack of caffeine in her system. No coffee for six months! Kathryn could have cried when the doctor told her that, although due to her raging hormones she was crying at just about anything these days.

'Captain?' Chakotay's voice cut through her musings. Janeway pushed herself out of her chair and came to stand next to her first officer.

'Hail them.'

'No response Captain.'

'Try ag-' Janeway's sentence was cut short by weapons fire pounding into Voyager's shields. Janeway stumbled slightly but kept her balance.

'Shields at 78 Captain,' informed Tuvok.

'Return fire,' Janeway ordered swallowing the queasy feeling rising in her chest.

'We are having no effect on their shields captain.'

Another volley of weapons fire hit Voyager and the floor suddenly disappeared momentarily. Janeway massaged her elbow as she picked herself up off the deck. Immediately Paris was by her side looking incredibly concerned.

'Captain are you-'

'I'm fine Lieutenant,' she replied a little more sharply then she intended. She softened her expression a little and patted Tom on the shoulder. 'Go back to your station Tom'

'Captain,' called Kim in a slightly confused voice. 'They are moving off!'

'Did we hurt them Tuvok?' enquired Janeway turning towards tactical.

'Negative Captain.'

Janeway turned back to the view screen and stared at the stars. God she was tired. The now familiar feeling of nausea was creeping back into her stomach. What she didn't need right now was some crazy aliens playing knock and run on the shields. If only she could sleep, but every night was spent tossing and turning and Kathryn ended up more exhausted than she had been before. She was suddenly aware of Chakotay standing close to her but found she couldn't turn her head. Black spots began to dance in front of her eyes and she couldn't hear anything except a loud buzzing. A hand on her shoulder caused her to stumble slightly and she reached out to Chakotay to catch herself from falling. Then she felt herself smile as she realised she was finally asleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Kathryn sighed and slowly opened her eyes. For a moment her mind couldn't work out what was happening, then she realised someone was carrying her along a corridor.

'Kathryn?' said the concerned voice of the person holding her.

'Chakotay,' muttered Kathryn quietly, relaxing against her first officer's chest. Chakotay would let her sleep, she was sure of that.

She had just let her eyelids droop again when then sound of doors swishing open caused her to open her eyes once more.

'Doctor?' she heard Chakotay call. He placed her on a biobed and she closed her eyes contentedly. She was vaguely aware of murmuring voices close to her but she wasn't listening. Instead she imagined being back home on a beach, sun bathing underneath a beautiful palm tree with gentle waves lapping the shore.

'Captain?'

She shifted slightly trying to shut out the voice.

'Captain?'

'Go away,' she mumbled. 'You're blocking my light.'

The EMH glanced at Chakotay. 'She is delirious.'

Chakotay sat down at the foot of Kathryn's bed.

'Is she ok?' he asked. The Doctor completed his scans and turned to the commander.

'She is exhausted and her blood sugar level has plummeted.' said the EMH looking slightly worried. 'The baby is fine, she simply fainted.'

Chakotay looked at the pale face of his sleeping captain.

'Her morning sickness is terrible and lasts all day, and she says that every time she gets into bed she feels wide awake!' he told the Doctor.

'I know,' sighed the Doctor. 'I've tried to help but she is experiencing 3 months of nausea and tiredness condensed into the space of a few weeks. The most intense treatment will finish in around a weeks time and I hope her symptoms will become less severe.'

'In the mean time, you could order her to take time off,' suggested Chakotay with a small grin. The EMH raised an eyebrow.

'Do you think that's a wise move Commander?' asked The Doctor uncertainly. 'I know it would benefit her health but it may be detrimental to ours!'

Chakotay chuckled. 'I'll worry about the backlash, you just give the orders!'

………………………………………………………………………………………….

The following morning Chakotay strode into sickbay to find Tom and B'lanna in discussion with the doctor in his office. The first thing Chakotay had done when he had left sickbay the previous night was to inform the frantic parents to be that their baby was fine. Chakotay moved over to where Kathryn was lying and felt a smile spread across his face. She was all curled up on her side, fast asleep, with a more rested expression than he had seen since the foetal transplant had happened.

Carefully he sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to cover one of Kathryn's hands with his own. As he did so she stirred slightly and her hand turned over to wrap her fingers around Chakotay's. Chakotay smiled to himself and he swore he saw a smile on Kathryn's face as well.

'Is she awake?'

Chakotay turned his head to see B'lanna and Tom coming over to him.

'Not quite,' replied Chakotay softly. B'lanna came to stand by the bed.

'I can't believe she's going through this for us,' said the half klingon woman quietly.

'Kathryn adores you two, she'd do anything for you,' chuckled Chakotay. Tom put an arm around his wife's shoulders.

'And we'd do anything for the captain,' said Paris. 'I just wish this was easier for her.'

Chakotay smiled reassuringly at the couple beside him and they left quietly. Suddenly Chakotay felt the grip on his hand tighten and he looked down to see Kathryn's eyes slowly flutter open.

'Good morning sleepy head,' Chakotay greeted with a grin. Kathryn blinked and looked around in confusion.

'Why am I in sickbay?' she asked bewildered, trying to get up. Chakotay gently helped her sit up.

'The baby is fine. You fainted on the bridge,' he told her. 'Gave Tom a heart attack!'

Kathryn attempted to smooth her rumpled hair. 'I fainted?' she said incredulously. 'I suppose I was feeling pretty lousy.'

'Then you should have come to me immediately!' chastised the Doctor as he emerged from his office.

Kathryn glared at him. 'It's your fault I feel like this!' she exclaimed then paused for a moment before declaring 'I need coffee!'

Chakotay had a sudden urge to laugh at the expression on Kathryn's face. She was pouting like a defiant child.

'Captain, we've been through this,' replied the Doctor in exasperation. 'You can have decaf but that's-'

'What's the point in decaf?' protested Kathryn loudly, and Chakotay had to restrain her from jumping up off the bed. 'I just want some coffee.'

'Well I afraid that's not possible,' the Doctor told her firmly. 'So you're just going to have to find something else to drink in the mean time.' The EMH began to scan the captain as her shoulders sagged in defeat.

'Kathryn?' said Chakotay gently and suddenly realised she was crying. 'Kathryn, what's wrong?' he asked in surprise.

She took a shuddering breath and then glanced up at her first officer with a smile.

'I don't know, the coffee maybe? ' she replied tearfully, then starting laughing softly to herself. Chakotay felt himself chuckle too.

'These mood swings are a lot of fun, aren't they?' he quipped.

Kathryn reached out and patted his arm. 'Just be glad you're not the one who's having them!' she replied with a tearful grin.

……………………………………………………………………………………

A week later, Kathryn Janeway opened her eyes and rolled over in bed with a yawn.

'Computer, cease alarm.'

Kathryn sat up and stretched before hopping out of bed. It was only after a few minutes in the sonic shower that she realised something was missing; the familiar feeling of exhaustion and nausea had vanished. Kathryn left the shower and moved to look at her reflection in the mirror. She felt herself smile as she noted the lack of dark shadows under her eyes and the colour in her cheeks. She felt wonderful! In fact, Kathryn thought to herself, I'm starving! She quickly pulled on her uniform and fixed her hair. As she zipped up her jacket she noticed how tight it was becoming as she began to really show the telltale swell of pregnancy. She had already replaced her usual jacket with a bigger size several times but even the jacket she had most recently replicated was now becoming too small. With one final glance in the mirror Kathryn left for the mess hall.

Chakotay sat chewing his breakfast and found himself briefly wishing for Neelix's cooking. Whatever Chell thought he had made it was definitely not like any scrambled egg Chakotay had ever tasted. Just as he was considering replicating something Kathryn slid into the seat opposite him.

'Good morning!' she greeted brightly before starting to greedily fork the 'eggs' into her mouth.

'Erm, good morning,' chuckled Chakotay in disbelief. 'Since when do you have breakfast?'

Kathryn shrugged. 'I'm hungry,' she replied with a mouth full of food.

Chakotay scrutinised Kathryn's relaxed face. 'No morning sickness today I take it?'

'Nope!' grinned Kathryn happily. 'I feel great actually.' She eyed Chakotay's half eaten breakfast. 'Are you going to finish that?'

Chakotay raised an eyebrow in disbelief. 'You want my breakfast on top of your own?'

'If you don't want it there's no point wasting it.'

Shaking his head Chakotay pushed his plate towards his captain and watched her quickly devour the remains of his breakfast.

'I take it the baby is hungry,' he said as Kathryn sat back in her chair.

'I guess so,' laughed Kathryn touching her stomach gently. 'And I can barely fasten my jacket anymore.'

'Maybe you should switch to a maternity uniform if you're uncomfortable,' suggested Chakotay. Kathryn shook her head.

'Not yet,' she replied with a half grin. 'I'm … I'm not quite ready for that yet.'

Chakotay reached out and covered one of Kathryn's hands with his.

'I don't think you can order the baby to grow slower!' he chuckled. Kathryn rolled her eyes.

'No but I can just replicate normal jackets in bigger sizes,' she said glancing towards the galley. Kathryn got up and returned with a glass of juice. As she sat down Chakotay couldn't help noticing her thickening waistline straining against the material of her uniform.

'You're starting to really show you know,' he told his captain as she sat back down. Kathryn sighed.

'I know,' she replied looking briefly down at her stomach. When she looked up again she had a strange expression on her face.

'Are you ok?' asked Chakotay kindly. Kathryn smiled back at him.

'I'm going to start counting how many times a day you ask me that!' she replied with a small laugh. 'I'm fine, really.'

Chakotay nodded. 'Are you coming to the bridge?'

'Of course.' Kathryn gulped down the remainder of her juice and fell into step beside her first officer.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Kathryn Janeway flopped back onto the sofa in her quarters, sulking. She absent mindedly ran her hand over her rapidly expanding waistline. It had been 7 weeks since the Doctor had transferred the baby to Voyager's captain which meant that Janeway was now around 5 months pregnant. There was no hiding her bump any more and Janeway had grudgingly swapped to a maternity uniform 2 weeks previously. It had not been an easy transition for Janeway. After the initial horrendous morning sickness and tiredness she was now gaining weight rapidly due to an enormous increase in appetite. She had incredible cravings for anything sugary and to her utmost disbelief had been completely banned from drinking coffee. To top everything off she was still undergoing intense hormone treatment causing such dramatic mood swings that most of the crew now hid when they saw her coming! Kathryn knew that everything she was going through was a small price to pay for saving B'lanna's baby but at this precise moment in time all she wanted to do was drink about 5 litres of strong black coffee.

The door chime rang and Kathryn had a sudden urge to go and hide in her bedroom. Fighting back this urge she sat up and smoothed her hair.

'Come in.'

The doors opened to reveal a hesitant looking Chakotay. Janeway began to laugh at the look on his face.

'It's ok, I wont throw anything I promise!' she called still chuckling.

Chakotay smiled and entered her quarters carrying a bunch of flowers and what looked like a carton of ice cream.

'I thought you might need cheering up,' he explained coming and sitting next to his captain.

'Thank you,' said Kathryn sincerely taking the flowers. 'They're beautiful.'

Chakotay placed the ice cream on the coffee table.

'So how'd it go with the Doctor?' he asked turning to face Kathryn.

'Fine, we're both fit and healthy.' replied Kathryn patting her bump.

'And so you tried to delete the Doctor's program because…..'

Kathryn looked at Chakotay defiantly.

'He referred to me as 'middle aged'.' she pouted.

Chakotay grinned. 'That's quite tactful for the Doctor!'

Janeway glared at him. 'Watch it Commander, I'm not in the mood.'

Chakotay gazed at Kathryn sympathetically. 'How are you feeling?' he asked carefully.

Janeway's glare softened slightly. 'Awful.' She admitted. 'One minute I'm nauseous the next I'm starving. I get angry for no reason, I've cried more in the past 7 weeks than I have in my whole life.' She paused glanced down at her abdomen. 'I can't have coffee and apparently I'm gaining weight at a faster than average rate.' She imitated the doctor's voice so well that Chakotay let out a small laugh.

'You think this is funny?' demanded Janeway with a dangerous glint in her eye.

Chakotay sobered immediately. 'No, I didn't mean- '

Kathryn reached out for Chakotay's hand. 'I'm sorry. I know I'm a nightmare at the moment.' She said dejectedly.

'The crew understands,' he assured her. 'They all know what an amazing thing you're doing. And I think you look wonderful.' He added with an affectionate smile.

Janeway raised one eyebrow in disbelief.

'You do! You're glowing, honestly!' exclaimed Chakotay.

Kathryn gave a genuine grin.

'What would I do with out you?' she said gratefully.

''Have a quiet life?' chuckled Chakotay. 'You want some ice cream then?' He asked reaching for the tub. Kathryn sighed loudly.

'Well, since you went to the trouble to replicate it…' her voice trailed off sheepishly. Chakotay, still laughing, went to fetch bowls and spoons. Suddenly feeling hot Kathryn stood up and began to remove her uniform jacket and her blue shirt leaving just her blue tank top.

'Are you feeling alright?' asked Chakotay worriedly as Kathryn flung the garments on a nearby chair. Kathryn smiled back at him.

'I keep having hot flushes,' she told him slightly embarrassed. 'It'll pass.'

Chakotay shook his head chuckling. He couldn't help notice how pregnant Kathryn looked without her black jacket. Her bulging belly strained against the material of her now too small tank top, the fitted garment emphasising her rapidly growing bump. How much of Kathryn's expanded waistline was due to the baby and how much was due to all the cookies, cake and ice cream she was devouring daily was another issue!

Kathryn sat back on the sofa and accepted the bowl of ice cream from Chakotay.

'I can't believe how much I'm eating,' she groaned miserably whilst spooning ice cream into her mouth. 'I'm going to be huge by the end of this!'

'You should enjoy it while you can,' Chakotay told her. He reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. 'And you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.'

Kathryn smiled affectionately at her first officer.

'That's such a lovely thing to say,' she replied tearfully. 'And you've only gone and made me cry again!' She smiled as she swiped at a few tears that had escaped. Suddenly Kathryn gasped and her left hand flew to her stomach.

'What is it?' cried Chakotay in panic, but Kathryn grabbed his hand and placed it on her rounded belly. A tiny movement fluttered under his hand and his mouth curled into an astonished grin.

'That's incredible!' he said softly.

'I know, I can't describe how it feels to have something living inside me!'

Chakotay looked at Kathryn smiling face and was inwardly deeply concerned at how hard this was going to be for Voyager's captain.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Chakotay rolled over in bed wondering what had woken him. To answer his question the door chime sounded again and Voyager's commander frowned, glancing at the chronometer. It was 0100 and he was off duty. Full of curiosity Chakotay slid out of bed and checked his appearance in the mirror. When he opened the doors to greet his visitor he came face to face with a very guilty looking Janeway dressed in her pyjamas and dressing gown. Chakotay couldn't help but smile and gestured for her to come in.

'I'm sorry I woke you,' said Kathryn sheepishly.

'Don't worry about it,' shrugged Chakotay. 'Are you ok?'

Kathryn screwed up her nose slightly. 'I'm hungry.' Chakotay laughed out loud.

'You thought I would need to know that?' he chuckled and Kathryn whacked him on the arm.

'No,' she pouted. 'It's just…' she hesitated, fiddling with the sleeve of her gown.

Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders. 'Tell me.' He insisted.

Kathryn met his eyes. 'You know that thing you cooked last week?'

Chakotay thought for a moment. 'You mean the chilli?'

'Yes!' exclaimed Kathryn happily. 'The chilli!'

Chakotay looked slightly bemused. 'What about it?'

'I need it, now.' said Kathryn matter of factly. Chakotay stared at his very pregnant captain, a grin creeping across his face.

'You're craving my chilli!' he exclaimed, quite proud of his culinary prowess. His expression suddenly faltered. 'Kathryn I made that from scratch you know.'

Kathryn bit her lip and nodded.

'I don't even know if the ingredients will still be available and we'd have to go to the mess hall and it would take…' Chakotay's voice trailed off as he saw the miserable expression that was creeping across Kathryn's face. 'But why don't we go and look anyway?'

'You don't have to Chakotay,' replied Kathryn with a wry smile.

Putting an arm around his captain Chakotay steered her out into the corridor.

'I know I don't have to but I want to,' he answered. Kathryn grinned up at him and that was all the thanks he needed.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

'Kathryn, where'd that peeled carrot go?'

'Erm…'

'Tell me you didn't eat it.' Kathryn raised her eyebrows guiltily and nodded. Chakotay laughed and threw a cloth at her.

'If you keep eating the ingredients you will never get the finished result,' he told her sternly.

'Yes sir,' grumbled Kathryn and went to sit at the table nearest to the galley. 'You've got tomato on your shirt by the way.'

Chakotay glanced down suddenly realising what he was wearing; an old grey T-shirt and blue jogging bottoms. He suddenly smiled at the image of Voyager's command team sitting in the mess hall in their nightwear in the middle of the night cooking chilli.

'Is it ready yet?' Kathryn had ventured back into the kitchen and was peering over Chakotay's shoulder into the saucepan. She took in a deep breath and sighed contentedly. 'It smells amazing!'

Chakotay swatted her away. 'Five minutes.' He told her and she rubbed her hands in anticipation.

When he finally presented the bowl of steaming chilli to her the look of pure joy on Kathryn's face was an expression he knew he would never forget. Kathryn took one mouthful and made a noise of appreciation.

'Is it good enough to satisfy a pregnant woman's cravings?' asked Chakotay.

'Absolutely divine,' replied Kathryn through a mouthful of food. 'You sure you don't want some?'

'I wouldn't want to deprive you and baby!' insisted Chakotay, although he had to admit the smell was making him pretty hungry. Watching Kathryn rapidly devour his dish he couldn't help shake his head slightly in disbelief. This was the same woman who was famous for her meal skipping antics and who usually had to be tied down to eat a decent meal.

'That was amazing,' sighed Kathryn whilst scraping out the bottom of the bowl. She leant forward and grabbed Chakotay's hand. 'Thank you so much.'

Chakotay smiled back. 'You're very welcome.' Kathryn leaned back and rubbed her stomach contentedly. She was wearing a grey vest top and pyjama bottoms slung low underneath her now seriously large bump. She was just under seven months pregnant and seemed to finally be adjusting to the hormones and her new body.

'Chakotay!' exclaimed Kathryn suddenly. 'You have the early shift! I shouldn't have woken you!' Chakotay waved away her concerns.

'It's been pretty quiet recently,' he replied with a smile. 'I don't think having a couple hours less sleep will hurt me too much.'

Kathryn gazed at him with a strange expression on her face. 'I don't deserve you.' she said quietly. Chakotay stood up and walked round the table.

'No one deserves to be looked after and pampered more than you Kathryn Janeway,' he told her sincerely. 'And it is an honour being the one doing the looking after.'

Kathryn grinned at him crookedly and offered her hands. Chakotay pulled her up and she linked her arm through his.

'You gonna walk me home?' she asked teasingly.

'Well it's a bit out of my way…' sighed Chakotay mischievously. Kathryn laughed as they walked together along Voyager's very familiar corridors. They passed several crew members who grinned at Voyager's captain and commander dressed in pyjamas and wandering around in the middle of the night.

They reached the captain's quarters and Kathryn punched in her access code.

'See you tomorrow then,' she began. 'And thank you again for being so understanding.'

'Anytime,' replied Chakotay. 'I'm only next door.' He placed a gentle hand on Kathryn's round stomach. 'Night Baby.' He said with a grin.

'Baby says goodnight to you too,' said Kathryn rolling her eyes. 'Now be gone with you!'

Chakotay laughed and wandered off towards his own quarters as Kathryn disappeared into hers. He knew he would be tired tomorrow but he didn't care. Tonight Voyager's Commander felt a very lucky man.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

The following day Janeway stepped onto the bridge and immediately spotted Chakotay trying to hide a yawn behind his hand. Smiling to herself Kathryn strode over to her command chair and sat down.

'Late night commander?' she asked innocently. Chakotay glared at her playfully.

'Something like that!' he replied as he handed her a padd. 'B'lanna wanted to talk to you about some problem with a gel pack on deck 6.'

Kathryn nodded. 'Yeah she told me. It's just to do with the…erm, the …you know, the thing attached to the conduit.'

'The thing?' chuckled Chakotay. Kathryn sighed and rubbed her forehead.

'You know what I mean! The round thing connecting the pack and the energy tubule.'

Chakotay watched amused as his captain struggled to remember the right word.

'The neural relay?' offered Tom Paris from his station.

'Yes!' exclaimed Kathryn. 'The neural relay! My brain feels like mush today.'

'That's your hormones,' Tom told her swivelling in his chair. 'Your body is putting more energy into the baby's development and paying less attention to your own body.'

'Well that'll be fun in a crisis,' sighed Kathryn.

'It could be quite fun,' said Chakotay thoughtfully. 'Guess the order.'

The whole bridge crew dissolved into laughter.

'Anyway,' said Kathryn dryly getting to her feet, 'I want to discuss the crew rotations commander, in my ready room?'

'Aye captain,' replied Chakotay still chuckling.

Kathryn stepped down into her office and walked around the desk, knocking a pile of padds onto the floor as she did so. She bent down as far as her pregnant body would let her to pick them up just as Chakotay appeared behind her.

'Hey, let me,' he said shooing her off and picking the pads up swiftly. Kathryn glared at him.

'I was perfectly capable of picking them up myself,' she told him stubbornly.

'I'm sure you were,' replied Chakotay calmly with a hint of a smile. 'Do you want a drink?'

'If I did I could get one myself,' said Kathryn obstinately although as she watched Chakotay walk to the replicator to get himself a cup of tea she decided she was being silly. 'On the other hand orange juice would be good,' she said sheepishly.

Chakotay walked back to Kathryn's desk and handed her the juice.

'I've been looking at the new shifts we worked on,' he began sitting down. 'I think they're working well, especially the changes in engineering.' Kathryn nodded her agreement.

'B'lanna seemed happy, and that problem with the…with the…oh for goodness sake what's wrong with me today?' exclaimed Kathryn slumping back in her seat.

Chakotay suppressed a laugh for his own safety.

'You heard what Tom said,' he offered gently. 'You've got baby brain.'

Kathryn smiled at that. 'Baby brain?'

'That's what my mum used to call it,' continued Chakotay. 'When pregnant women forget words, forget where they've put things, get really clumsy…'

'Clumsy?' interrupted Kathryn. 'You mean Baby is responsible for me knocking over anything within a two metre radius?'

Chakotay laughed. 'Yeah, I had noticed that.'

Kathryn sighed heavily. 'I'm not being much of a captain at the moment am I?'

'Of course you are,' reassured Chakotay. 'We all have off days.'

'What about off months?' quipped Kathryn gloomily.

'Kathryn, you're carrying a baby for a member of your crew. No one can ever say you aren't a committed captain!'

'I think I should be committed for agreeing to this,' replied Kathryn with a small smile. Chakotay smiled back.

'Let's get these rotors done then you can carry on knocking stuff over,' said Chakotay bringing up the shift schedule on his padd.

'You're funny, you know that don't you?' said Kathryn sarcastically, but her eyes were smiling.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

It had been a very long day. A heavily pregnant Kathryn Janeway leaned against the wall of the turbolift carrying her towards her quarters. Her back was killing her, her head was pounding and her feet felt as if they might explode at any second. The doors swished open to reveal the doctor standing outside the doors of her quarters. Inwardly groaning at the prospect of a lecture from the doctor Janeway gave her best captain's fake smile and stepped out of the lift. She was very surprised to see the doctor return her smile.

'Captain Janeway, I thought I'd save you a trip to sickbay,' said the doctor brightly.

'That's very thoughtful doctor,' replied Janeway with only a hint of suspicion in her voice. 'But I wasn't aware I was due a check up.'

She entered her quarters followed by the EMH.

'Commander Chakotay mentioned you felt dizzy before,' said the Doctor pulling out his tricorder. 'I'm just making sure everything's fine.'

Janeway sank onto the sofa shaking her head in disbelief. 'It was only for a second, I got up too quickly!'

The Doctor examined his scans. 'Hmm, you do have elevated blood pressure Captain.'

Janeway stared at him for a second. 'Unless you haven't noticed I'm 46 years old and eight months pregnant,' she said loudly. 'I could have guessed my blood pressure would be slightly high!'

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. 'It's not something to ignore Captain,' he said seriously. 'You're taking tomorrow off to relax.'

'But,' Kathryn began to protest, but the Doctor held up his hand.

'No argument Captain.' He picked up his equipment. 'I'll leave you in peace, you look exhausted.'

Janeway just glared at him.

'Goodnight Captain.' The EMH left.

Kathryn heaved herself off the couch and changed into a light blue sweater and grey sweat pants. The woollen material, stretched to its limit, now only just covered her very swollen stomach and Kathryn sighed at her profile in the mirror. She could hardly remember what it felt like to have a defined waistline.

The door chime sounded and Kathryn groaned. Tom and B'lanna had been spending a lot of time with her over the past months and understandably so. They wanted to feel a part of the pregnancy and Kathryn knew it was especially important for B'lanna to feel involved. But tonight Kathryn was not in the mood for excited parents. All she wanted to do was curl up on the couch with large quantities of chocolate.

'Come in,' she called unenthusiastically.

Chakotay stepped into the room.

'Oh it's you,' said Kathryn with a small smile.

Chakotay couldn't help glancing at his captain's ever expanding midriff.

'Yes, I know, I'm the size of a house' grumbled Kathryn lowering herself back onto her sofa.

Chakotay laughed. 'At least you've not got long left now, then you can get your fabulous figure back.'

'I'm glad you take my concerns seriously,' replied Kathryn sarcastically. Chakotay just grinned at her as he sat down next to her. Janeway suddenly smiled.

'What?' enquired Chakotay.

'I didn't say anything.'

'You smiled!'

Kathryn put her right hand on her bump. 'Baby is just letting me know it's still there.' She reached out and placed Chakotay's hand on her stomach. Chakotay felt the gentle movement and smiled himself.

'It's going to be strange not having that feeling anymore,' said Kathryn quietly. 'I've gotten so used to it.'

Chakotay stroked her stomach gently. 'I know.' He said simply, understanding the deep feelings of emotional attachment Janeway was beginning to have for this baby.

'You look exhausted,' he observed changing the subject.

'Thanks,' said Kathryn with a small glare, but she smiled tiredly. 'My feet are killing me as well!'

Chakotay stood up, reached down and grabbed her ankles, then sat down again with Kathryn's feet in his lap. Kathryn's complete lack of protest to this showed how tired she really was. Chakotay began to gently massage her feet. Kathryn lay down, her head on a cushion, and closed her eyes with a contented sigh.

'That feels so good,' she mumbled, lightly running her hand over her distended abdomen. Chakotay watched her hand perform this now familiar action.

'Is Baby still moving around a lot?' he asked softly.

'Hmm,' answered Kathryn vaguely. 'Kept me awake all night.'

Chakotay smiled. 'That'll be the klingon DNA at work! Although I've never known Tom to sit still for more than five minutes.'

Kathryn didn't reply. Chakotay leaned forward so he could see her face and chuckled as he realised she had already drifted off to sleep. Carefully he lifted Kathryn's feet so he could stand up and fetched a blanket from her bedroom. He gently covered his sleeping captain with the comforter then brushed a few stray strands of hair off her face.

'Night Kathryn,' he whispered. 'Night Baby.'

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sitting on the edge of her bed Kathryn Janeway sighed loudly. She was supposed to be getting ready for a party on the holodeck to celebrate some holiday or other that Chell had come up with. However, with only one week to go until her due date Kathryn had absolutely no desire to do anything expect lie around in her pyjamas feeling sorry for herself. She was wearing her dressing gown which now only just closed around her stomach. However much the Doctor assured her that she was no larger than any other heavily pregnant woman, Kathryn simply couldn't believe how big she had gotten. She felt enormous and in no way a glowing expectant mother. Not that she was the mother anyway, but that was a whole other issue.

The door chime sounded and Kathryn groaned loudly.

'Go away,' she said dejectedly; knowing who ever it was couldn't hear her.

To her surprise she heard the doors slide open and immediately knew the identity of her visitor.

'I'm not coming,' she called defiantly, and heard a chuckle in response.

'Kathryn Janeway, get yourself out here now!' came the insistent reply. 'Or I'm coming in there to get you!'

'I hate you Chakotay, do you know that?' Kathryn shouted back as she heaved herself onto her bare feet.

Emerging from her bedroom she glared at the smiling man who had seated himself on her sofa.

'I know you don't mean that,' replied Chakotay in a cheerful voice. Kathryn glared at him and made a growling noise in her throat.

'I'm tired,' moaned Kathryn carefully lowering herself onto the sofa next to Chakotay. 'I'm cranky and fat and I don't want to go.'

Chakotay looked slightly more sympathetic. 'But if you don't come who will I sit with?'

'I'm sure you'll find someone,' replied Kathryn gloomily. Chakotay studied her face wondering how to crack her.

'Well I know for a fact that Baby was looking forward to it,' he said gently with a smile. Kathryn looked at him with narrowed eyes.

'I assure you that Baby is having enough fun dancing around inside me and keeping me awake,' grumbled Kathryn, although Chakotay thought he saw a hint of a smile.

'Go and get dressed,' said Chakotay firmly.

'No,' pouted Kathryn, folding her arms above her bump. Chakotay started to laugh and Kathryn stared at him.

'How is this in any way amusing?' she demanded, causing Chakotay to laugh harder. Kathryn watched Chakotay double over in hysterics and felt herself begin to laugh with him.

'What?' she asked again, although this time she was smiling. Chakotay looked at her affectionately.

'I bet you were a damn stubborn child,' he told her grinning and Kathryn found herself laughing in response.

'How did you know?' she replied quietly and with a grin. Chakotay raised his eyebrows questioningly and Kathryn moaned loudly.

'I have nothing to wear that will fit over my gigantic stomach!' she wailed smoothing her dressing gown over her abdomen to emphasise her point.

'Replicate something then,' pressed Chakotay, determined that he would get Kathryn to the party if it killed him.

Kathryn met Chakotay's eyes and stared at him. After a minute she felt her resolve crumbling.

'I already did,' she admitted. 'It's lying on my bed waiting for some short round woman to claim it.'

Chakotay stood up and held out his hands to help Kathryn up. Shuffling back to her bedroom she glanced back at Chakotay.

'I'm not going to enjoy myself,' she told him defiantly, then disappeared into her room as a grin spread across her face.

Chakotay walked over to the mirror on the wall and checked his hair. He was wearing black suit and white shirt to which he added a black bow tie from his pocket. He didn't know exactly what Tom had programmed for the party but everyone had been instructed to wear formal dress.

After ten minutes Kathryn reappeared self-consciously fiddling with her hair. She was wearing a knee length emerald green dress with capped sleeves and deep plunging neckline. The dress was fitted just underneath the bust so that the material flowed out over Kathryn's bump. Her hair was beautiful as always and she looked amazing.

'Well?' demand Kathryn violently. 'Say it. I look like a tent!'

'You look absolutely stunning,' replied Chakotay sincerely and watched in delight as Kathryn's checks flushed crimson.

'You're a liar,' she shot back with a half smile. 'But I'll let you off.' She suddenly stopped and took in Chakotay's appearance.

'Were you wearing that before?' she asked stepping forward to smooth his jacket. Chakotay nodded with a grin.

'You look… very handsome,' Kathryn told him not quite meeting his eyes. Chakotay chuckled and offered his arm.

'Shall we go then?'

Kathryn hesitated. 'Do you think I can get away with no shoes?' she asked sheepishly. 'My feet won't fit in any of them at the moment.'

Chakotay glanced down at Kathryn's bare feet and then back at Kathryn's face.

'If you weren't about 3 inches shorter without them I don't think anyone would notice!' he joked.

'Ha ha,' replied Kathryn sarcastically. 'Let's get this over with then.'

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The holodeck had been transformed into a huge ballroom with large round tables circling a huge dance floor. Kathryn had to admit that the crew did seem to be enjoying themselves as they flung each other around the dance floor in a variety of very original styles.

'Want to dance?' said a voice in her ear. Kathryn smiled and raised an eyebrow at her first officer as he slid into his seat next to her.

'I have a slightly impediment Chakotay,' she said dryly, gesturing to her bump.

Chakotay shrugged. 'Sounds like a challenge to me!' Realising that Chakotay wasn't going to give up Kathryn rolled her eyes and allowed Chakotay to help her to her feet.

As they moved onto the dance floor Chakotay took her hand in his and just about managed to get his other arm around her so they could dance.

'I'm not squashing Baby am I?' asked Chakotay, and Kathryn laughed at the concern on his face.

'Baby is nice and warm, but not squashed,' she assured him. They danced slowly around the dance floor, laughing at the dancing antics of some crew members. Kathryn was watching Chell dramatically drop down to do the splits when she felt a tight pain in her abdomen. She took a sharp intake of breath and glanced up at Chakotay who was still watching the Bolian's acrobatic display. The pain subsided fairly quickly and Kathryn's heart rate slowly returned to normal.

'Chakotay?' she whispered urgently.

'Hmm?' he replied still not looking at her.

'I think I just had a contraction.'

Chakotay stopped abruptly. 'You think you what?' he cried, moving back to give Kathryn some space. Kathryn grabbed his hand and pulled him back towards her.

'Shush!' she exclaimed. 'If it was a real contraction then it was the first one I've had, I'm not going to give birth for hours and hours yet!'

'What to you mean a real contraction?' asked Chakotay eying Kathryn's stomach anxiously.

'The other day I thought I was having contractions but they were false contractions,' she explained quietly. 'They're common near the end of pregnancy apparently.'

'Did this feel like a false contraction?'

Kathryn hesitated. 'No,' she admitted. 'This one felt…different, more intense maybe.'

Chakotay nodded. 'You should go to sickbay.' He told her firmly. Kathryn nodded in agreement.

'You go and remove the doctor from Seven and I'll meet you there,' she replied. 'I don't want Tom and B'lanna to get all worked up for nothing again.'

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Kathryn breathed deeply as another contraction came and went.

'You're definitely in labour captain,' confirmed the Doctor. 'Although your contractions are mild and spaced out. It will be a few hours before real labour begins.'

Kathryn nodded and glanced at Chakotay who looked more apprehensive than she felt.

'May I suggest a bath captain,' continued the Doctor. 'The contractions will gradually become more intense and a bath would help you and the baby to relax.'

Kathryn smiled. 'A bath sounds good.' She looked up at Chakotay who was standing next to the bed where she was lying. 'Want to walk me to my quarters?'

'Of course,' replied Chakotay. 'Then I'll go and tell the parents that their baby is on the way.' Chakotay saw the cloud that passed over Kathryn's face as he said this and felt the uneasy feeling in his chest increase. He knew Kathryn had been nesting even though the baby wasn't hers. Chakotay had found her tidying her quarters and moving her bedroom around. He had even expressed this concern to the Doctor, but the EMH had told Chakotay that it was Kathryn's hormones causing her behaviour and that it was normal. Obviously Kathryn knew the baby belonged to B'lanna but how easy it would be watching someone else take Baby away from her was another matter. Beneath the layers of captain Kathryn was a very emotional person who grew attached to people very quickly. Chakotay feared this was going to be a very painful experience for his beloved captain, both physically and mentally.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Three hours later Kathryn walked gingerly back into sickbay holding her back, Chakotay's arm protectively around her shoulders.

'Sit down captain,' fussed the Doctor. 'How far apart are the contractions now?'

'About six minutes,' replied Kathryn uncomfortably sitting back on the bed.

'You should change into a gown captain,' instructed the EMH, and Kathryn nodded.

'I'll come back in five minutes,' Chakotay told her, and left sickbay and headed to his quarters. He had a present for Kathryn that he replicated as a reward for after the birth.

When he returned to sickbay Kathryn was sitting up in bed and wearing a blue sickbay gown. He moved to sit on the edge of her bed and took her hand.

'How are you doing?' he asked gently.

'Not bad, although I-' Kathryn broke off and her grip on Chakotay's hand tightened as the now familiar pain returned. This time the contraction was longer and more intense than the previous ones.

'That hurt,' breathed Kathryn as the pain subsided. The Doctor ran his tricorder over the captain and nodded.

'Labour is progressing rapidly,' the Doctor informed them. 'You are six centimetres dilated captain. I estimate you will be ready to deliver within two hours.'

'That fast?' exclaimed Chakotay in surprise.

'Labour can last from anywhere between a few hours and a few days Commander,' said the EMH applying a hypospray to Kathryn's neck. 'That will help with the pain captain.'

Two hours later and Kathryn wished she had never agreed to this. She was exhausted and in a lot of pain and yet this damn hologram was still telling her to push!

'I am pushing you idiot!' she yelled as Chakotay lifted a few stray strands of hair away from her face. Tom and B'lanna were standing near by as well, nervously looking on as their captain shouted abuse at the Doctor.

'Captain, I realise you are tired but you have to try and push as hard as you can-'

'I'm going to push you off a very high cliff when this is over!' hissed Kathryn fiercely causing the EMH to raise his eyebrows in a maddening way.

'You're doing brilliantly,' Chakotay reassured her calmly. 'Just a bit longer and it will be over.'

'How's it looking doctor?' asked Tom tentatively.

'The head is crowning,' replied the Doctor as Kathryn felt another contraction beginning. 'Push captain, as hard as you can!'

Chakotay was pretty sure Kathryn was actually going to break his hand if she gripped it any harder but he didn't care. A few moments later a small cry announced the arrival of Baby into the world.

'Congratulations,' the Doctor told Tom and B'lanna. 'You have another daughter.'

Kathryn flopped back on her pillows absolutely drained, and Chakotay leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

'Well done,' he whispered gently stroking her hair. Kathryn looked up at him with tear filled eyes.

'Is she ok?' she asked shakily.

'She's perfect,' replied the Doctor. 'No problems at all. You were obviously a brilliant home for her for six months captain.'

Kathryn blinked rapidly trying to dispel the tears that were threatening to spill down her pale cheeks.

B'lanna came over to Kathryn carrying Baby in her arms.

'She's beautiful,' said B'lanna happily. 'I will never forget what you did for us captain, never.'

Tom reached down impulsively and hugged Kathryn. 'We owe you everything,' he said, his voice wracked with emotion.

'It was my pleasure,' replied Kathryn with a small smile. Chakotay sat down next to Kathryn and she leaned her head against him.

'You should rest,' Chakotay told her softly, but Kathryn was silently watching B'lanna cradling Baby in her arms. Chakotay sighed quietly and stroked the back of Kathryn's hand with his thumb.

'Would you like to hold her captain?' asked B'lanna. Chakotay saw longing glint in Kathryn's eyes but eventually she shook her head.

'You keep her for now,' replied Kathryn. 'I'm totally exhausted and I'll have plenty of chance to hold her later.' B'lanna smiled and carried her daughter over to a small cot on the far side of sickbay.

'Was that rude?' Kathryn asked Chakotay quietly when Torres was out of ear shot.

'No, it was understandable.' Chakotay told his captain with a sad smile. 'This must be difficult for you, you don't have to pretend it's not!'

Kathryn looked up into Chakotay's eyes. 'I just…' her face crumpled, and her hand flew to her mouth to stifle a sob.

'Hey, come here,' said Chakotay softly wrapping his arms around his distraught captain. After a moment Kathryn had regained some control and she lay back down on the bed.

'Is it wrong that some part of me wishes that baby was mine?' she asked almost inaudibly. Chakotay reached out and took her hand.

'Kathryn, you've carried her for 6 months and given birth to her,' he said sympathetically. 'Of course you're going to feel like she's a part of you.'

The tears continued to run freely from Kathryn's blue eyes. 'I never expected it to affect me like this,' she sobbed clenching Chakotay's hand. 'But I just want to take her back to my quarters and be her mother. I'm never going to get to do that though am I because I'm never going to get to have a child of my own!'

Kathryn's anguish was causing tears to spring into Chakotay's eyes. He couldn't bear to see her in this much pain, but he didn't know how to make this better.

'You still might have children,' he said encouragingly. Kathryn laughed bitterly.

'Chakotay, I'm 46 and the captain of a starship lost in the Delta quadrant. I've sentenced myself to a life of isolation and loneliness.' She spoke with anger and resentment that Chakotay had never heard before. 'All I want is…is someone to love, and someone to love me.' She gazed at him through her tears. 'I can't live like this anymore.'

A tear escaped from Chakotay's eye as he pulled Kathryn back into a long embrace. She sobbed against his shoulder letting out her grief at losing a baby that she never really had in the first place.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Chakotay paused outside the captain's quarters. It had been almost three weeks since little Katie had been born and Janeway had been ordered to take at least 3 weeks off by the doctor to recuperate. It had been a busy time for Chakotay who had been covering most of Janeway's shifts and there was some problem with the engines that the commander simply didn't understand however loudly Nicoletti explained it to him. B'lanna was off as well to look after her new daughter, although she did keep appearing in engineering to offer some advice. Chakotay couldn't help feeling that between them Janeway and B'lanna could have fixed the problem in a fraction of the time it was taking, but knew that both women really needed the time off. He had hardly seen Kathryn since the doctor released her, mainly because of his duties but also because she had hardly left her quarters. The doctor had visited to check she was recovering from the birth but apart from that Janeway had pretty much kept herself hidden away.

Eventually Chakotay pressed the door chime. There was no response so he tried again. Nothing.

'Computer, locate Captain Janeway.'

'Captain Janeway is not on board.'

Chakotay frowned. Voyager was orbiting an M class planet and there were teams on the surface collecting food supplies, but Janeway hadn't mentioned going down herself. Chakotay wondered briefly if the doctor knew about this. Voyager's commander stood in the corridor for a moment. He didn't want to intrude if Kathryn felt she needed some space but then again she had been alone a lot over the past few weeks. But at the same time Chakotay couldn't help worrying about Kathryn. She put on this strong front for the crew but he had seen the pain she was going through and he just wanted to help her. Chakotay turned and started towards transporter room 2. He was off duty now and had wanted to see the planet for himself even if this wasn't exactly what he had in mind.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Chakotay instinctively raised his hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he materialised on the planet's surface. He had beamed down around 100m from Kathryn's location and he spotted her immediately. Chakotay was standing on a beautiful hillside overlooking a wide valley with a river meandering through it. The sun was warm on his back and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was hard to believe this planet was uninhabited even though this area of space was very remote. Kathryn was further down the hill, sitting on the lush grass with her back to Chakotay.

Slowly Chakotay made his way down the gentle slope and came to a stop on Kathryn's right. She was sitting with her eyes closed, her face turned towards the sun. She was wearing a loose white shirt and a blue knee length cotton skirt and her white flip flops lay next to her bare feet. Chakotay watched her for a moment not wanting to interrupt. Eventually he opened his mouth to speak but Kathryn beat him to it.

'Sit down Chakotay.'

Chakotay smiled and sat down, leaning back on his elbows.

'It's beautiful here,' he observed. Kathryn opened her eyes and glanced over at him.

'I had a feeling you might turn up,' she told him with a smile. Chakotay dropped his head wryly.

'I was worried about you,' he admitted meeting her eyes. Kathryn looked away, her expression unreadable.

'I'm alright,' she said simply. Chakotay studied her face.

'You can talk to me you know,' he pressed gently. 'I've missed you.'

Kathryn licked her lips and sighed. 'I just …. needed some time to myself to get my head sorted.' She paused, tucking her hair behind her ears. 'I had all these feelings and urges because of my hormones and I just needed to find myself again.'

Chakotay reached out and put a hand on Kathryn's shoulder.

'And did you find yourself?' Kathryn grinned at him and placed one hand on top of Chakotay's.

'I think so,' she replied honestly. 'I feel more like me than I have done for months!'

'You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that,' replied Chakotay warmly. Kathryn laughed.

'Actually I think I do know,' she told her first officer. 'I know you try and look after me and I know I don't make it easy for you.' Janeway sobered suddenly and looked at Chakotay intently. 'Never think I don't appreciate it Chakotay, because I really do.'

Chakotay smiled at Kathryn affectionately.

'You supported me through so much in the first few years,' he told Janeway seriously. 'You have changed me, given me a new life, a new purpose. The least I can do is be a good first officer.'

'And a wonderful friend,' finished Kathryn sincerely. Voyager's command team grinned silently at each other.

'You should see Katie,' said Chakotay eventually. 'She's grown so much.' He watched Kathryn's reaction but there was none of the pain that was so obvious before.

'She's a Kathryn, she's going to be trouble!' chuckled Janeway. Chakotay laughed slightly and Kathryn glanced at him. 'What's bothering you Chakotay?'

Chakotay hesitated not quite sure how to best voice his concerns.

'What you said….about not being able to…to live like this-' Kathryn cut him off.

'Chakotay, I was tired, hormonal and feeling very vulnerable and alone,' Janeway tried to explain. 'When you came to me I…' her voice trailed off for a moment. 'I looked into your eyes and I saw how much you care. No one has looked at me like that since Mark.'

Chakotay felt his chest clench painfully. 'Mark.' he whispered, surprised at how much that thought hurt. Kathryn turned to face Chakotay and grabbed his hands.

'Chakotay, I didn't mean…you know I don't love Mark like that anymore!' she exclaimed earnestly. 'You are my best friend, my soul mate! I need you!'

Chakotay stared into Kathryn's bright eyes.

'I don't just need you,' he replied softly. 'I love you.' He watched a multitude of feelings cross Kathryn's face. 'But I know you can't love me back, you don't have to make excuses or justify-'

'If things were different…'interrupted Kathryn before dropping her gaze in sadness.

Feeling brave Chakotay moved forward and hugged Kathryn tightly. He heard Kathryn mumble something and pulled back from the embrace.

'What did you say?'

Kathryn wouldn't meet his eyes.

'What about Seven?' she asked quietly. Chakotay swallowed hard. He hadn't realised that Janeway knew about his brief relationship with the ex-borg woman. Looking out across the valley Chakotay took a deep breath.

'She was a mistake,' he began slowly. 'I was lonely and Seven seemed so interested in me, I suppose I was flattered.'

'And of course she's not bad to look at,' offered Kathryn with a small grin. Chakotay felt himself relax. He should have known Kathryn would understand the feeling of loneliness more than anyone else on Voyager.

'We had a few dates, dinner and holodeck programs,' continued Chakotay. 'But I began to realise that I wasn't falling for her even though I do have feelings for her.'

'You feel protective of her and love her as a friend, and would never do anything to hurt her.' added Kathryn softly. Chakotay considered his captain's expression.

'There's nothing there between Seven and I, not like between us,' added Chakotay genuinely. Kathryn pulled Chakotay round to face her.

'Are you sure about that?' she asked seriously. Chakotay stared at the woman before him sure he was missing something here.

'Of course I'm sure, why do-' suddenly it occurred to him. 'What did the Admiral tell you?'

'That is irrelevant' replied Kathryn turning away slightly. 'This is our timeline not hers. I just don't want you to throw away a chance of happiness with Seven for something that might never happen.'

'That's my decision.' Chakotay told her firmly. 'And you know I would never lie to you about something like this.' Kathryn nodded smiling slightly. Chakotay wiped his forehead which was beaded with sweat.

'It's really hot out here!' he chuckled taking off his uniform jacket. Kathryn laughed.

'I know, and that river down there looks very inviting!'

Chakotay raised his eyebrows and a grin began to spread across his face.

'I was joking,' clarified Kathryn warily holding up her hands. Chakotay jumped up and offered Kathryn his hand, which she accepted.

'How about a walk by the river then if you don't fancy a swim?' enquired Chakotay starting off down the hill pulling Janeway with him.

'Sounds wonderful,' replied Kathryn.

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn. He had become so accustomed to her baby bump that it was strange seeing her looking so slim again. She appeared to have lost a lot of pregnancy weight already, and Chakotay made a mental note to make sure she was eating properly. Her loose shirt covered any hint of a bulge that might still be there and Chakotay had to admit that Kathryn looked pretty good. The breeze lifted her auburn hair away from her face to reveal a more relaxed and rested expression than Chakotay had seen in a long time.

'What are you grinning at?' asked Kathryn amused, and Chakotay realised him must have been staring.

'I'm just admiring the view,' he replied with a chuckle causing Kathryn to blush. Chakotay couldn't help but grin. It felt like he had just got his best friend back.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ensign Grace Forrester stood leaning against the transporter room console totally bored. Voyager had a number of away teams on the planet, including the captain and commander, meaning the transporter room had to be manned at all times. Unfortunately for Grace it meant hours of standing around doing absolutely nothing except regularly checking the systems were still functioning properly.

'Janeway to transporter room 2.' The captain's cheerful voice caused Grace to automatically leap to attention.

'Forrester here, captain.' replied Grace standing ready at her console.

'Two to beam up when you're ready Ensign.' said Janeway who sounded like she was finding something very funny. As soon as the command duo materialised in the room Grace realised the source of Janeway's amusement and had to swallow her own laughter. Chakotay stood dripping wet with his arm around Janeway and his left foot lifted slightly off the floor. Janeway supported Chakotay as they stepped down off the transporter pad and glanced up at Grace.

'Fell free to laugh Ensign,' grinned Janeway wickedly. Grace smiled back and Chakotay dropped his head slightly in embarrassment.

'Come on you,' said Janeway brightly, guiding Chakotay towards the door.

'We're not beaming to sickbay?' he asked incredulously. Janeway looked back at Grace and winked.

'No, I feel like a walk,' replied Janeway giggling at the look on her first officer's face.

As the doors closed behind them Grace couldn't help but chuckle. It looked like the captain was doing well and that could only be a good thing for the crew of Voyager.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Half way to sickbay, Kathryn was laughing so hard she could hardly stand up herself, let alone support Chakotay's weight as well. The look on crewmembers faces combined with the expression Chakotay was wearing was one of the funniest things Kathryn had seen in a long time.

'Wait, wait,' she gasped slowing down for a second to catch her breath. Chakotay shifted his weight slightly.

'I'm glad you're finding this so funny,' he told her dryly, but there was a hint of a smile playing on his face.

'Captain, commander, are you ok?' said a familiar voice behind them. Janeway turned her head and Chakotay groaned as he saw an amused looking Tom Paris striding towards them.

'Here, let me,' Tom told Janeway, taking Chakotay's weight off her.

'Thank you Mr Paris,' said Janeway, regaining some control. 'We're on our way to sickbay.'

'This may be a stupid question, but why are you wet?' asked Tom innocently.

'I, erm, I fell off a rock into a river,' admitted Chakotay quietly. Tom felt himself grin as Janeway collapsed into laughter again.

'You've never seen such a dramatic fall in your life!' she managed to gasp between giggles.

The three of them entered sickbay and were met by a raised eyebrow from the Doctor.

'I think my work here is done,' grinned Tom as Chakotay sat down on a bed. 'Good to see you smiling again Captain.' Janeway, who had herself collapsed on the bed, exhausted from her laughing fit, flashed a dazzling smile at Tom as he left

'Commander, you appear to have fractured your ankle,' said the EMH looking disapprovingly at Chakotay's appearance.

'He fell in a river,' said Janeway, biting her lip to keep her giggles under control.

Chakotay glanced sideways and couldn't help but laugh himself at the concentration on Kathryn's face.

'Captain Janeway,' continued the Doctor. 'You missed our appointment today. I assume you have a good reason.' Chakotay's grin widened as Kathryn's face fell.

'Erm, I was on the planet,' began Kathryn awkwardly. 'And, well, it's Chakotay's fault.'

'Hey!' exclaimed Chakotay. 'What did I have to-'

'Don't worry commander,' interrupted the Doctor dryly. 'I know the captain needs no help in avoiding my sickbay. Some people might find your obvious avoidance offensive you know captain.'

Kathryn glared at the Doctor as he finished knitting Chakotay's ankle bone.

'Right captain as you're here we might as well have a look at you now,' said the Doctor cheerily. 'How are your stretch marks looking?'

This time it was Chakotay's turn to laugh as Kathryn's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened in mortification.

'I think it's time for me to leave,' whispered Chakotay loudly to the EMH.

'Actually I'd like you to stay Commander,' replied the Doctor. 'That was a bad break and I don't want you walking on it for at least an hour.'

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn who rolled her eyes and flopped back on the bed.

'I'll just hop over there then,' said Chakotay indicating to the nearest available bed.

'How have you been captain?' asked the Doctor scanning Janeway.

'Fine thank you,' replied Kathryn watching Chakotay sit down on the bed opposite.

'You appear fit and healthy,' concluded the Doctor. 'It appears the exercise and diet plan I gave you is working.' Kathryn smiled up at the EMH.

'It's great,' she told the hologram warmly. 'I don't know what I would have done without it!'

Chakotay felt an eyebrow rise. Apparently Kathryn hadn't spent the past two weeks locked in her quarters as he had assumed.

'Now about those stretch marks you wanted me to remove?' asked the EMH. Kathryn glanced self-consciously at Chakotay, then decided she was being stupid and unbuttoned her shirt.

'They're not that bad,' she told the Doctor quietly. 'Just here and here.' Chakotay saw her indicating to the sides of her stomach and the Doctor nodded, pick up a medical device. Considering she had given birth only 3 weeks previously Kathryn stomach was remarkably toned if not slightly more protruding than it had been before.

Chakotay looked away to give Kathryn some privacy as she lay on her side in order for the Doctor to treat her. He suddenly felt a bit cold, his wet uniform sticking to him uncomfortably.

Kathryn sat up and quickly buttoned up her shirt. Shaking her head slightly she hopped off her bed and walked over to Chakotay.

'I'm going to go and change into my uniform,' she told him with a half grin. 'Do you want me to bring you a spare uniform?' Smiling gratefully at her, Chakotay nodded.

'Kathryn' he said as she started to leave. 'I'm sorry I ruined your shore leave '

Kathryn grinned back. 'Oh come on Chakotay, your dive off that rock was one of the funniest moments of my life!' She turned and left the Sickbay, still laughing to herself.

'Commander?'

Chakotay turned to the EMH who was standing beside him.

'Yes doctor?'

The Doctor hesitated. 'As much as I refrain from discussing my patients with others I feel obliged to look out for Captain Janeway's well being.' began the Doctor carefully. 'You appear to be her closest friend and I would appreciate your opinion on her mental state at the present time.'

Chakotay looked at the Doctor, knowing he was speaking with true concern.

'If you'd asked me that the day after the birth I would have said she was falling apart,' admitted Chakotay truthfully. 'She was depressed and upset and I couldn't see how she was going to recover.' Chakotay felt himself smile. 'But, as always, Kathryn has proved me wrong. I think she is genuinely finding her happiness again. I think she just needed to distance herself from the situation to totally grasp everything that has happened over the past six months.'

The EMH looked very relieved to hear this.

'I was afraid this would be difficult for the captain, especially with no councillor available.' said the Doctor. 'Physically she has recovered remarkably quickly, not that I should have expected anything less!'

'Do me a favour Doc?' requested Chakotay, and the Doctor nodded looking slightly surprised. 'Don't declare her fit for duty just yet? I really think she needs the time off.'

The EMH nodded. 'Another week off should be plenty I think. Is that sufficient commander?'

Chakotay nodded gladly. 'Fantastic.'

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat on the far side of the mess hall watching her crew. Almost everyone on Voyager was gathered to celebrate the birth of Kathryn Paris or Katie as she was known. There were so many smiles, so much laughter that she could almost forget how far away they all were from home. Sipping her champagne Kathryn smiled as B'lanna placed Katie into Chakotay's arms and her first officer cooed over the tiny girl.

'Mind if I sit down captain?'

Janeway turned to see an expectant looking Harry Kim standing next to her.

'Not at all Harry,' invited Janeway. Kim sat down and looked uncertainly at his captain.

'Are you alright?' Janeway asked her young officer. Harry nodded and smiled at Janeway.

'That's what I was going to ask you!' he chuckled, flushing slightly red. Janeway gazed at Harry warmly.

'I think what you did for Tom and B'lanna was so incredible,' continued Harry earnestly. 'We're so lucky to have a captain like you and I don't think we ever show you just how much we appreciate you.' Harry paused, glancing out across the mess hall. 'I just wanted to say thank you captain, for everything.'

Janeway stared at Harry, extremely touched by his words.

'You're a wonderful person Harry Kim,' she said in an unusually unsteady voice. Harry grinned at her, then moved forward and threw his arms around her.

'Harry!' exclaimed Janeway laughing, but whole-heartedly returning his hug.

'Am I interrupting?' asked Chakotay in an amused voice moving to top up Kathryn's glass.

'Not at all Commander,' replied Harry standing up and flashing Kathryn a grin as he walked off.

Chakotay sat down next to Kathryn who was looking slightly tearful.

'When did Harry grow up into such an amazing person?' she asked softly. Chakotay raised his eyebrows with a small smile and shook his head slightly. Kathryn took another drink from her glass before realising it was full again.

'Chakotay, how many times have you refilled my glass?' she asked suspiciously.

Chakotay shrugged. 'A few.' he replied mischievously. Kathryn groaned.

'It's my first day back on duty tomorrow and you're trying to get me drunk?' she exclaimed with a look of disbelief. Chakotay just grinned at her and she felt herself grinning easily back. She could already feel the effect of the alcohol and reminded herself that she hadn't actually drunk for over six months.

By the end of the evening various members of the crew were a little worse for wear and people started to trickle off towards their beds. Kathryn and Chakotay sat together at a small table with Tom and B'lanna. Eventually it was only the four of them left, plus of course little Katie.

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn who was holding the sleeping baby in her arms, a loving expression on her face. Katie yawned in her sleep and Kathryn glanced up.

'I think maybe it's time I turned in,' she said quietly. 'I don't want to be late on my first day back!' She stood up and handed Katie to Tom who eagerly took his daughter.

'I'll come with you,' said Chakotay standing as well. 'Night you three.'

They said their goodnights and then Voyager's captain and commander headed out of the mess hall together. Kathryn stumbled slightly as she stepped into the corridor and giggled slightly as Chakotay reached out to steady her.

'I knew that last glass of champagne was a mistake,' she told him grinning widely. Chakotay slipped an arm around her waist and laughed.

'My legs don't feel quite as solid as they usually do either!' he admitted as they unsteadily entered the turbolift.

They reached Kathryn's quarters, the corridors now deserted.

'Tonight was wonderful,' said Kathryn slurring her words slightly causing Chakotay to laugh in disbelief.

'I never knew you were so bad at handling your drink!' he told her with a fond smile.

Kathryn grinned wickedly. 'I don't know what you mean,' she protested shaking her head dramatically. 'I'm completely sober mister!' Even as she said this she lost her balance and fell giggling into Chakotay's arms. Chakotay looked down at Kathryn's face and felt a lurch in his chest. She was so beautiful and he loved her so much. Without even thinking Chakotay leaned down and planted a kiss firmly on Kathryn's mouth. Kathryn returned the kiss passionately for a moment before her mind realised what she was doing and she pulled away hurriedly.

'Kathryn,' began Chakotay, instantly regretting being so bold. Kathryn just stared at him. Eventually she found her voice.

'I should…go,' she said with a small smile. Chakotay nodded not knowing what else to say.

'Goodnight Chakotay.' And with that she fled into the safety of her quarters.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The following morning Chakotay stood in the turbolift on route to the bridge more nervous than he had been for a long time. He knew it was him that had initiated the kiss but he also knew Kathryn hadn't pulled away. Well not to begin with anyway. Groaning inwardly as he reached the bridge, Voyager's commander took a deep breath and stepped out of the lift. Kathryn was sitting in her command chair gazing at the view screen and lost in thought. Chakotay cleared his throat and almost laughed as Kathryn nearly jumped out of her seat.

'Commander,' she greeted looking up with the most fleeting glance he had ever seen.

'Captain,' he responded cautiously settling into his chair. He pulled up his console and began to work silently. After what seemed like hours he sensed Kathryn move uncomfortably in her seat. He stole a quick look and realised she was looking at him. They both immediately looked away.

This is ridiculous! thought Kathryn as she felt her cheeks flush crimson. She stood up and straightened her uniform.

'You have the bridge commander,' she ordered steadily before retreating to her ready room in relief.

Kathryn spent the rest of her shift hiding in her ready room, trying to concentrate on the pile of reports in front of her. She had a banging headache probably something to do with the champagne but also due to her lying awake all night panicking about that kiss. When her shift ending she found herself reluctant to leave her sanctuary and stayed 30 minutes longer than she had too. Eventually she emerged onto the bridge and dashed straight into the turbolift with a huge sigh of relief. One day down, many many days to go!

………………………………………………………………………………………..

Tom Paris had been sat at the helm for almost 8 hours and his shift was almost over. Not much had happened in those 8 hours, a small nebula to navigate round, a routine helm response test, but that was about it. However, this shift had not been as boring as it sounded. Having worked alongside Janeway and Chakotay for so long Tom had learned to read their tone of voice and body language very well indeed. Today the tension between them had been stifling. They had both been distracted and had barely said two words to each other. Tom knew something was wrong and if they thought they were hiding it well they were very much mistaken! He wondered what they could have argued about, realising in dismay that whenever the captain and commander had fallen out in the past it had never turned out well; the Borg, the Equinox, the Kazon to name just a few! Tom frowned to himself. This definitely called for further investigation.

The chronometer on his console beeped softly to indicate his shift was finished. Ensign Tanner stepped forward and Tom briefed her on his uneventful shift. Stepping away from the console Tom glanced at Chakotay who appeared to be concentrating on his work. Before he entered the turbolift he took a sneaky glance over Chakotay's shoulder and sure enough the padd in the commander's hand was blank. Narrowing his eyes Tom sidled into the turbolift. What the hell was going on?

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Entering his quarters Tom was met with the site of his captain gently rocking Katie in her arms whilst his wife informed her of some problem with the dilithium crystals that he wouldn't even try to understand!

'I think it might be a micro fracture,' concluded B'lanna flashing a smile at Tom as he crossed the room towards Janeway. The captain looked thoughtfully at the tiny girl in her arms.

'I think you might be right,' she sighed. 'Finding it is going to be tricky though.' B'lanna nodded gloomily.

'How are my two favourite Kathryns?' asked Tom cheerily stroking his daughters cheek with his finger. Janeway raised an eyebrow at him.

'We're fine thank you Mr Paris,' she replied dryly, but there was a playful glint in her eye. 'I should leave you lot in peace,' she continued kissing Katie on the forehead and passing her to Tom.

'Do you want to discuss this more over coffee later captain?' asked B'lanna still pouring over the padd in her hand.

Janeway sighed and massaged her forehead. 'I suppose we should really. The mess hall at 1900?'

'Sounds good,' replied B'lanna. Janeway said her farewells and then left the Paris family alone. Tom immediately felt a plan emerging.

'How did she seem to you?' asked Tom coming to stand next to his frustrated looking wife. Katie shifted restlessly in his arms.

'What the captain? Fine I guess,' replied B'lanna distractedly. Tom shook his head and sat down.

'Something's wrong between the captain and Chakotay, something big!' he announced, but B'lanna just glanced up with raised eyebrow.

'How do you know that?' she asked incredulously.

Tom grinned at having got his wife's attention. 'Because neither of them made eye contact with each other, at all, they hardly said two words to each other, and they're both very distracted!' To his delight Tom saw B'lanna's eyes narrow in an interested fashion.

'Didn't speak to each other at all?' she asked suspiciously. No one could have failed to notice how close the captain and commander had come during Janeway's pregnancy and if they now weren't speaking…….

'Chakotay was staring at a blank padd on the bridge for god's sake,' continued Tom. 'This isn't good.' B'lanna nodded in agreement. If the captain and commander were fighting the crew would soon feel the knock on effects

'Maybe they just need to be forced to talk about whatever they've fallen out about,' began B'lanna slowly. Tom immediately caught on to what she was thinking.

'So all we have to do is get them together and then run away!'

………………………………………………………………………………….

'B'lanna, we can leave this if you'd rather be with Miral and Katie.'

'What?' cried B'lanna jerking her attention back to Janeway. 'No, it's…erm I just have no idea how to solve this!'

Janeway scrutinised her chief engineer. Something was definitely worrying Torres; the younger women kept glancing towards the doors of the mess hall and she was strangely tense. The captain took a gulp of coffee as B'lanna's face finally split into a smile. Glancing towards the doors Kathryn felt her coffee catch in her throat as her eyes met Chakotay's. Tom sat down next to his wife and pulled a chair out for Chakotay.

'Are you not going to join us?' asked B'lanna innocently. Chakotay glanced at Kathryn's face again, obviously decided there was no way out, and sat down.

Almost immediately Tom's comm. badge chirped.

'Wildman to Paris.'

'Go ahead Sam,' said Tom cheerily, watching Janeway trying not to look at Chakotay.

'Erm.. Miral has a headache and is asking for her mom and dad.'

B'lanna tried her best to look concerned about her daughter's 'illness' but she was too interested in the two people opposite her squirming uncomfortably. Tom was right, something major had happened between them!

'We'll be right there!' Tom leapt out of his chair and B'lanna followed suit.

'Sorry captain,' she apologised with a smile. 'Duty calls.'

And with that they were gone.

Kathryn felt her heart pounding in her chest as she watched Tom and B'lanna leave. Somehow she hadn't quite believed their little performance and had a suspicion that she and Chakotay had been had.

'Do you think they always know when there's a problem between us?' asked Chakotay quietly with a chuckle. Kathryn felt herself smile and she turned to look Chakotay straight in the eye.

'Judging by how smoothly they managed to set us up, I guess so!' she replied slightly embarrassed. Chakotay's expression became one of concern.

'They were right though,' he began. 'We do need to talk about this.' Kathryn looked down and swallowed hard.

'I know,' she sighed. 'But not here.' She glanced around at the crew enjoying their dinner.

'My quarters?' suggested Chakotay. 'Actually I have something I meant to give you after Katie was born but I never quite got round to it.'

'Really,' replied Kathryn intrigued. 'Now?'

Chakotay nodded. Voyager's command team stood and left the mess hall in silence.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Kathryn thought she was in heaven. The warmth, the aroma, the taste. She moaned in ecstasy.

'Is it good?'

Kathryn opened her eyes with a long sigh of contentment.

'There are no words,' she told Chakotay, stroking her mug with devotion. Chakotay smiled shaking his head. He had discovered the coffee beans by chance in Ensign Saunders quarters and had kept them for Kathryn.

Chakotay sat down next to Kathryn and she immediately stiffened.

'Kathryn, I'm so sorry,' blurted out Chakotay. 'I should never have kissed you, I was completely out of line.'

Kathryn gazed it him with her pale blue eyes. 'I don't think it was all one way,' she admitted with a sad smile. Chakotay returned her smile.

'Do you think we need to define some parameters?' he said softly. Kathryn laughed remembering the time on New Earth when she had uttered those exact words.

'I don't know if I can,' she replied eventually, not quite looking at Chakotay. Chakotay felt his heart begin to race.

'Kathryn-'

'You know I lay awake all night thinking of how bad it could possibly be if we were…together,' she continued gazing into her mug. 'And I found that I couldn't think of anything worse than things that have already happened.'

Chakotay looked at her affectionately. 'It would hurt more, be more personal.'

Kathryn glanced up at him sadly. 'I don't know if that's possible.' She said softly. Chakotay reached for her hand and she took his willingly.

'What are you saying?' asked Chakotay not quite believing they were having this conversation. Kathryn stared into his eyes, her heart and her brain having an inward battle.

'I can't ask you to wait for a relationship that might never happen,' she told him and he was about to respond but she ploughed on. 'But I can't imagine watching you with someone else, so there's only one solution.'

Chakotay blinked slowly. 'What's that?' he asked almost afraid of the answer.

After a moments hesitation Kathryn reached out and cupped Chakotay's cheek with her hand. Slowly she leaned forward, closed her eyes, and kissed him deeply. Chakotay found his immediate reaction was to pull back but Kathryn slid her hand around to the back of his head and held him still. The kiss was incredible. So many years of longing, promise, hurt and disappointment disappeared in an instant. And in that moment, for the first time since they had arrived in the delta quadrant Voyager's captain and commander were both truly happy.

After a minute or two Chakotay pulled back slowly and stared into Kathryn's sparkling eyes.

'Have you thought this through?' he asked in a hushed voice. Kathryn's face split into a dazzling grin and she laughed.

'Not really,' she admitted. 'I think the Doctor may have left some of those crazy baby hormones in me!'

'Possibly,' smiled Chakotay. Kathryn looked at him, suddenly looking nervous.

'This is what you want isn't it? I don't want to push you-'

'Kathryn I've wanted this for as long as I can remember!' exclaimed Chakotay. 'But I always understood your reasons for holding back. We're captain and commander of a starship, I mean what's the crew going to say?'

The tension that had momentarily vanished from Kathryn's face returned instantly.

'I don't know,' she replied sadly. 'There is no answer to this Chakotay, trust me, I lay awake all night trying to think of one.'

'What if the crew didn't know?' suggested Chakotay thoughtfully. 'If we are careful and take things slowly there's no reason they have to know, not immediately anyway.'

Kathryn considered this for a moment. 'You mean give us a chance to get used to the idea before they have to?'

Chakotay nodded then reached out and took Kathryn's hand.

'You really want this don't you?' he asked with a small grin.

Kathryn nodded. 'I can't live like this anymore. I refuse to become what she was.'

'So we take it slow and keep it a secret?'

Kathryn grinned wickedly at him. 'Makes it sound kind of….dangerous and exciting when you say it like that!'

………………………………………………………………………………………

Epilogue

Tuvok watched Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay talking as they sat in their chairs on the bridge. They were laughing and joking as always, but Tuvok could sense something else. The look Janeway had given her first officer when she came on the bridge had been one of pure happiness and contentment. She seemed very relaxed today and Chakotay was quite merrily playing along with her light hearted conversation. Not for the first time since Voyager came to the Delta quadrant Tuvok wondered as to the exact nature of Janeway and Chakotay's relationship. They had been very close after they had been stranded together on the planet but Tuvok knew they had had their differences over the years putting strain on their friendship. If he were human Tuvok thought he may feel envious of Chakotay. Although he still considered the captain a close friend her relationship with Chakotay was now closer than it ever had been before. Of course the captain's pregnancy experience had caused her to become more open and this appeared to have drawn her and Chakotay back together again.

Tom Paris sat at his station chuckling at the playful conversation of his two commanding officers. Whatever had been wrong between them had obviously put right and Tom was very pleased about that! Not only had Janeway not chastised him for teasing Harry about his hair she had also offered to baby sit Katie so he and B'lanna could spend some quality time with Miral. A happy captain definitely equalled a happy crew!


End file.
